All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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