why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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