I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
