If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
