my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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