If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
