Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
