Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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