i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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