Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
