we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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