he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
