Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
