i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
