Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
