Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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