So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
