tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
