Apparently you make a good broom.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
