My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
