I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
