I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need water and some morals
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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