a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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