She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
