Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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