Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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