you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
