i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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