Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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