Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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