Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
