this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
