yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
