at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
