I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
