I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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