So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
