I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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