I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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