get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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