i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
