We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
