On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
