do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
