i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
