Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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