then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't turn off my feet"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Bring me that man meat
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
