I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
