weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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