I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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